Colonel H. Stinkmeaner
Colonel H. Stinkmeaner was an obnoxious, blind old man whom Robert Freeman killed in a street fight. He is a recurring antagonist in the series, somehow appearing or being mentioned in one episode per all four seasons. Personality Stinkmeaner is described as one of the most evil human beings to ever walk the earth. He is sadistic, nihilistic and overall horrible to everyone he meets. He enjoys the pain and anguish of other people. He claims to hate everyone in general (especially black people), but in truth, he simply loves being evil. He lived a long, terrible life, as when he got killed, he is sent to hell, where he literally felt truly much more happy than he ever had been in life and considers it much better than jail. Biography Childhood While little is known about his early life, Colonel was born some time during the early twentieth century. Despite being born into a seemingly normal family, he spent all of those days just as hateful and pessimistic as he currently is. At 15 years old, he lost his eyesight to cancer. The doctors gave him 3 more years for him to live. He dedicated these three years to spreading hate and misery wherever he went. But for some reason, he managed to survive long past the age of 18, likely because of his love of hating. Death In a "Granddad's Fight", Stinkmeaner is killed in a street fight by Robert Freeman. This is because earlier in the episode Stinkmeaner beat Robert in a fight (Grandad incorrectly believed Stinkmeaner had advanced hearing and abilities) and Robert saw the fight as a way to reclaim his honor, though he didn't intend on killing Stinkmeaner. In a rematch, it turns out that he just got lucky. Return In "Stinkmeaner Strikes Back", he returns as a vengeful spirit. After some martial arts training in Hell, he is sent by Satan (who declares that Stinkmeaner is the "baddest motherfucker hell has ever seen") back to Earth to exact his revenge. He possesses the body of Tom Dubois and makes him do crazy things at very inappropriate times. Eventually, he makes his way to the Freeman house and attacks Robert while he's posting videos of himself on the internet while using the toilet. Huey and Riley come to his aid and the Freemans fight him. Stinkmeaner beats them all effortlessly but is eventually subdued when Robert ties up his legs with his belt and Riley knocks him out with a lamp, a vase, and a geisha statue. They tie him to Riley's bed (much to Riley's chagrin) and invite Uncle Ruckus over to exorcise him out of Tom's body, but none of his methods work. At the last moment, Huey helps Stinkmeaner find common ground with Uncle Ruckus because they equally hate other black people and his soul is exorcised out of Tom's body. The Hateocracy In "Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy", he appears a third time as a ghost narrating the story of a crew of elderly self-hating racist bigots (Lord Rufus Crabmiser, Lady Esmeralda Gripenasty, and Mr. George Pistofferson) of which he was the leader. They caused a series of problems for the other nursing home residents and made their lives a living hell, so eventually they were kicked out, and split up. When they heard of Stinkmeaner's death, they came to Woodcrest to kill Robert Freeman and his family. Gripenasty and Pistofferson went after Huey and Riley while Crabmiser went after Robert. After a long fight, the three Freemans barely escaped with their lives so they attempted to hire a bodyguard. First they tried Ed Wuncler III, but he's too reckless, so Huey suggests they hire Bushido Brown. Brown proves to be too high maintenance and they take forever to make their move again, but they appear seconds after Robert has just fired Brown, prompting him to immediately rehire him and they fight. He does well defeating Gripenasty and Pistofferson, but Crabmiser decapitates him with his flying guillotine. Afterwards they reveal that they never really cared for Stinkmeaner in the first place and would've attacked them anyway regardless of it. Hearing the commotion, the police arrive and arrest the group for assault and murder. As the episode concludes, the narrating Stinkmeaner remarks that he is more lucky to be in Hell rather than jail. Cloned In "Stinkmeaner: Begun the Clone War Has" it was revealed that a clone of Stinkmeaner was produced at a "secret and highly illegal cloning facility" shortly before he met Robert. The clone was left with instructions from the original reading: "Dear me, please go fuck with Robert J. Freeman. Warm regards, nigga. O.G. Stinkmeaner." ''Learning that the original Stinkmeaner had left him his clothes, cane, glasses, and (presumably) his truck, and that he had also been given some 'enhancements' during the cloning process. To follow his instructions, he begins by returning to the mall where he first encountered Robert and backed into Robert's car stating, "I didn't even want to park there. I hit your car, and waited for you to get back here to tell you I did it". Robert is enraged that Stinkmeaner has somehow come back yet again to harass him. They swiftly begin to fight and all the onlookers record it, but before the match ends, both he and Robert are taken in by the police. However, since Robert actually attacked him first he was free to leave and didn't press charges. His videos go viral online and he becomes an immediate celebrity with many fans and supporters, and gets a sketch comedy show, "Bad Bitches", and (in the intro) a cooking show. He challenges Robert to a rematch, only to be arrested after Robert refuses to fight him (again). He then is bailed out by Ed Wuncler, Sr. (who bribed the D.A. to drop his case) and goes to Robert's house with Ed to set up one last fight on Pay-per-view. Still a viral celebrity, several show up to see him fight Robert. Stinkmeaner cockily assumes he will have an easy victory, only for Robert to have the upper hand for a majority of the fight due to his immense hatred of Stinkmeaner and his constant training. Stinkmeaner manages to avoid some of Robert's strikes, and despite his enhancements, Robert came out victorious and nearly beat him to death. Due to Huey's intervention at the last second, Robert spared his life on the condition that Stinkmeaner leaves him alone under threat of a restraining order and also telling the clone to go "...Fuck with somebody else!". the clone agrees saying "Sure, all you had to do was ask. I don't even know you. I'm just a clone". Stinkmeaner's body is left covered in blood by what appears to be his last row with Grandad. Despite this, Stinkmeaner begins hanging around outside Robert's house for three months, yelling and complaining that Robert never invites him over to have dinner or even acknowledges him as a friend. Robert yells at the clone to get of his property, but Stinkmeaner points out he is not even on his property, but on the side walk. Robert yells at him to leave and he sings "Stinkmeaner forever" as he skips away happily into the night. Abilities '''Posession:' Stinkmeaner had the ability to possess the living in order to interact with the physical world (through Tom Dubois.) He mostly utilized Tom's body in order to reap revenge upon the Freeman family, as well as having rough sexual intercourse with Sarah Dubois. Enhanced Physical Abilities: Stinkmeaner seems to have been capable of augmenting Tom's possessed body to accomplish almost super human feats of strength and agility, he was capable of almost completely overwhelming the entire Freeman family alone, before being knocked out by the kids and Robert. His clone also possessed a degree of these enhancements. Levitation: Stinkmeaner was briefly seen to be capable of levitating Tom's body into the air during his exorcism, it is unknown whether this was actually an ability he possessed or whether this was simply a reaction to the exorcism. Trivia * Stinkmeaner is based off of Butler Benson DuBois from the 1970s show "Benson". *He uses the phrase "Bitch ass nigga," or "nigga", in almost every sentence he uses and even called The Devil (Satan) himself a "Bitch ass nigga". He often pronounces "nigga" like "nyi-cuh" and over enunciates it. *Stinkmeaner seems to have fewer teeth after each appearance. In Granddad's Fight he is depicted with four teeth, in both Stinkmeaner Strikes Back and Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy he is shown to have three teeth, and in Stinkmeaner: Begun the Clone War Has he only has two teeth. This could be intentional since it is shown that Robert knocked all the teeth out of his mouth when Stinkmeaner was killed. *The reflections in his glasses, and hue of his hair change from episode to episode. *Despite holding the title of "Colonel," it's extremely unlikely that Stinkmeaner ever served in the military, due to going blind well before he would have been old enough to enlist. Appearances Season 1 *"Granddad's Fight" (first appearance) Season 2 *"Stinkmeaner Strikes Back" Season 3 *"Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy" (last true appearance, narrating his own flashback) Season 4 *"Stinkmeaner: Begun the Clone War Has" (only mentioned, legacy lives on through his clone) Gallery 240px-Colonel Stinkmeaner.jpg|Stinkmeaner in his debut. Damned Stinkmeaner.jpg|Stinkmeaner in Hell. Category:Characters Category:TV-only characters Category:Recurring characters Category:Antagonists Category:Deceased Category:Males Category:Adults Category:Seniors Category:African Americans Category:Criminals Category:The Hateocracy